Do you ask for help when you need it? Or do you struggle on alone thinking that you have to be a superwoman / superman. I’ve realised lately how much outside support from a friend can be valuable especially when trying to achieve a goal.
At the beginning of July I asked a friend of mine to support me in getting fit. I purposely chose a friend who has run several half-marathons to help improve my running. He’s far enough ahead of me to be able to inspire and motivate me, but not so far ahead that he doesn’t have any empathy for what it feels like to struggle with fitness. He’s been a great barometer of my progress, telling me to stop on one occasion because I was trying to run through a cold and struggling miserably, but pushing me on most days to achieve more than I thought I could.
Previously when I’ve trained with people at the same level of fitness, I felt we didn’t push each other enough to improve and stuck at the same ploddy old level. Having someone spur you on to improve each time is really helpful. It gives you something to aim for and means you improve more quickly.
What was really interesting is that when I asked him to help me get fit, he told me that he’d wanted to suggest training with me for a really long time, but hadn’t thought it right to offer. The desire and determination had to come from me, I had to really want it. He was holding back until I asked.
I also have friends that I would love to help, but they refuse to admit there is a problem. From the outside looking in, I can see that they need support, but any gentle offers I’ve made have been rejected. As someone who wants to help, I realise that I have to step back and allow them to come to the decision that they want my help. But right now, I’m wondering if they feel they are struggling on alone.
Sometimes we are blind to those that want to help and support us. It takes that reaching out though to get that support. If you feel like no-one is helping you, yes it can be hard to admit that things aren’t perfect. But I’ll bet you, if that other person is close to you, they already know that and are just waiting for you to decide that you want their help.
What help and support do you need for your goals? Would you like a friend to talk through an idea you have? Would you like them to listen and give you pointers, or would you prefer them to listen and give you encouragement at the end? Would you like some practical help – someone to read through a proposal, help you make a new purchase or simply spend some time having fun with you?
Whatever it is, you have to reach out and ask. Don’t assume everyone is mind-reading what you need. They may well have anticipated it, but be holding back from offering so that they don’t tread on your toes. Often people like to feel useful, so do them the favour and ask!
And don’t think you can’t ask someone who has problems for help. I realised one evening when I asked for emotional support from a friend who was going through a really tough few months that giving me some support boosted her self-esteem by making her feel valuable. She had been very focused on her own problems, but by asking for her support it enabled her to think creatively about other situations and reduce the focus for a few hours on what was troubling her. At the end of the evening she said how much she wished I asked for her help more!
So, think about what it is you want. Be clear. Don’t ask someone to ‘tidy up more’. You might have to ask them to wash up straight after dinner and put the rubbish out. Start by saying ‘I would like it if you would…..’ and then tell them what you want. Sometimes I start a conversation with my husband with ‘I would like you to listen to this problem, but please don’t give me any solutions, I just want you to be aware of what I’m feeling!’
The worst they could say is no – and if you download my free report ‘Five Ways to Make Friends with the Word ‘No!”- you’ll see how you can deal with that!
So choose one thing to ask for help with today – and then ask for it!
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So important. I still find it hard at times. Thanks